Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
