We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
