My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
