no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
