I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
