I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
