I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
