Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
