dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
