You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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