I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
