The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
