When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
