How's work?
Spinning.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
