She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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