But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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