I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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