Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
