So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
