Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
