I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize