my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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