Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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