Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
