Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's never too late to be topless.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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