I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
how does that bad decision feel?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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