Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
