We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
