DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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