I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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