I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
