Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
