I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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