You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
