He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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