i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
