its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
