but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
