I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Randomize
