Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
