Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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