it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
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hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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