Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
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I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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