He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
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His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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