Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
