I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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