ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
