Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
