Old men and throwing up are my life now.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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