Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
