You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
