genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
