This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize