oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
