did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
