I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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