one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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