U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
