I think my fart just growled at me.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
