I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize