Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
FUCK WHALES
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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