Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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