For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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