Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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