I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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