I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
