I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
