just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
