If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
