I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
