Can i not drive my cunt home
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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