It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
