Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
