I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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