Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
