I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
